3 Max Slimming: Attack the unsightly CELLULITES!

I guess most local women face the same issue as me.. FAT BOTTOM! trust me! I got a little small tummy, a beautiful pair of hands and wrist, but a FAT ARM and FAT BOTTOM! yes!! Not forgetting I got NO BUTT!

I wonder if its fortunate to be a Asian women, well, by nature, most Asian women look younger as compare to the whites, and we tend to have a smaller build in terms of the bone structure and height.. However, it brought along with the negatives too.. We tend to have more unsightly Cellulite.. and yes, as a women, we gain so much cellulite due to our hormones, the ability to pregnant and give birth... Whats worse, when Cellulite are the hardest to SHED! Even if you do much exercise and applying all the nonsense cream..

Thank to Groupon, I experience the 3 Max Slimming @ Beyond Beauty.
Basically they use this equipment to soften and breakdown the the cellulite, follow by absorbing the fats and lastly tighten and shape up. The whole process took only 35min.
Well, to be frank, the process is painful. But all depends on the amount of stubborn fats you are having.
Which means to say, if u have more fats, its much painful.

I did it twice so far, on the back of my thighs, which the pain is well.. bearable.. and my front thighs.. my front thighs got so much visible, yes, i mean VISIBLE cellulite and gosh... so painful that I could CRY!!! but again, the price to be a vain pot. Lucky the process is pretty short, am like screaming and almost punch the beautician! haha.. However, areas like tummy and arms should feel less painful.

 

(Pls bear with the FAT thighs) This was taken at night when I reach home after my treatment. the bruises show all the stubborn fats area. I swear that the back of my thighs are not as severe. During my 1st treatment, I lost like 2cm off my thighs immediately. Seriously worth going thru' the pain.

I went to Orchard Central outlet and serve by this lovely lady, Stephanie, very nice and chatty. Do look for her to know more about the treatment! And also check out the webby link here! 1st trial is only $88!

And lastly, don't forget to maintain the result by doing exercise and diet control! Taa...

Fall in Love with Myself Once Again

Surviving thru' a Break Up.. Some of them choose to stuff themselves with food and wait for an angel to save them..

For me, I choose to divert my attention.. divert back to myself.. being in a 3 years relationship and walking out of it make me realize the mistakes that many many human beings had commit.. not about taking a relationship too seriously but allowing yourself to love someone more than loving yourself...
Me too, I did this mistake, I allow myself to turn ugly, to feel ugly, even dont dare to step on a weighing scale, even spend lesser time looking into a mirror..

Changes took over me, I gain weight, to like almost 15kg more. I felt old, I dump my face mask at a side for it rot. I did less make up, can even be too lazy for any make up.. I stop shopping cos either I cant find my size or nice clothes just turn out to be sux on me!

I was depress for like a month.. I even thot at my age of 27, am too old to step into another relationship when all good guys had already found their special someone.. Gradually I choose to pick myself up from there.. Thanks to the supports from my loving mum who told me there is nothing to be afraid of even if a women stay single forever.. Thanks to my very very nice boyfriends, my really true buddies who will stand by me, wipe my tears, listen to me, without a single bad intention, only pure concerns.. They stood by me, whenever I need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, they are there. Even thou' I once forsake them a guy who I thot I'll marry him. Life is all about changes. Changes occurs when u least expected it, I totally never expect myself to be single again, to not getting marry in year 2013, to have all these friends with me, to love myself again.

Just as times passed, I realized that no one knows how to love me more than I do.. I begin to think how do I get back to when I begin.. Age is something I can't stop, but physically, mentally, I am able to.. Since now am a free soul, I have a lot of time for myself, my focus is again back to myself and not any other people or things. Since the break up brought along depression, sleepless nights and loss of appetite which make me shed a little bit of weight, I must work on dieting.

Trust me, am born a fatty bom bom even since my school daze... Looking back at my own pic, I felt hilarious yet happy that I had changed so much.

 

This was like taken when am 16. When everyone is sharing about youth, all I have a FATS! My face look as thou I'm been beaten up till it swell like nobody biz. Scary indeed. Nothing change me much, I continue my life to my poly times...

 

Yes, that's my poly years, trust me.. I look like this for like 3 years of polytechnic times.. Speechless.. totally.. and I was always been mistaken as a butch.. (well.. am not..) something hit me when poly over, I just felt I love being in the lime light, I wanna look good.. and yeah.. dieting start.. As a lazy being, I don't quite enjoy sports.. My dieting is strictly only curbing my hungry, in a very unhealthy way.. but at the age of 20, metabolism rate is still at the high side, slimming seem much easier..

I begin to look much better.. at least I dress more lady like.. I begin My journey to be a tanned bitch.. I head the clubs, head the beach every week, continue dieting.. Took the slimming supplement, off the shelves ones, like extrium X, xando... even went for doctor's prescriptions, reductil...

And this is what I am in my 22 year old... My best state... Totally love who I was that moment.. young and gorgeous... but again... Thats when my youth truly begin and I got my nick, DeSoLo.. but again... DeSoLo is a rubber band... I went fat again, probably with the pamper of love...

 In a relationship, I tend to gain weight.. and i even stop doing tanning as I gain weight, i lost my confident.. and gradually, I learn about this MLM company which is into acupuncture slimming, so I went for it.. 

and Tadah....

 

Am back to a gorgeous baby... but DeSoLo love food... and I have a habit of not wanting to waste food... I always over-ordered and end up over-eat... 

 

This was taken during my Thailand trip last year, May 2012.. yes.. from my best state, I gain 15KG! BLOODY 15KG!!! OMG! I reduce all my camwhoring habit and allow myself to turn into a auntie!!!

Since December 2012 when my relationship became rocky, all drama started.. and yes.. I lost weight again... In Jan 2013, I start doing my exercising, dieting, detoxing... I start watching my food intake, stop when am full.. and exercise as much as I can, at least once a week minimum... I hit the pool again.. I became tanned.. I even went for slimming massage to kill the cellulite issue on my big fat thighs... I took my meal replacements and strictly follow thru...

 

This is what I am today.. photo taken this morning.. definitely I look more matured... I lost so far a 10KG, I still got another 5KG to go... but I promise that I won't let the weight come back ever again... Jia you! Finally I found myself back.. and yes.. exercise... I have so many things in mind... I wanna start hot yoga, I wanna go for IPL, I wanna have my hair perm and dyed... Continue my love for myself.. 

If I can do it, I believe everyone can... 

Learn to love myself all over again

After much thots... putting aside all personal feelings... Yes, it had changed.. You and me had changed.. You are no longer the person u are before, and I had slowly lost myself as times past...

I actually allow myself to forget to love myself, I allow myself to turn ugly. And now, I realized what went wrong... Am been blinded.. blinded by love..
I did a clean up to my photo album, I don't feel a thing as I start deleting the most recent photos..
As i gradually delete to the earlier period, like a year back, I begin to have this sadness in me..
As i continue to delete to the photos that are taken in our 1st year, I have a kinda "not bare to" feeling..
Then I realized... Its like u just found out that the someone who u used to love so much had actually died like probably a year ago without u noticing... And maybe the little sadness that am still having is something like "the person u love had died and he will never be back again". A soul-mate had become a total stranger.

Its not about the dogs... its not about half a year back... its actually about more than a year back.. when I allow myself to lose myself.. Allow myself to let go all my family and friends just becos of a changed person...

Now den I realized.. One have to love oneself and love the closet people around them, those that are blood related ones.. If u dun love them, everything in ur life is upside down. I think am crazy to have blindly stood by u all these years, ignoring what others may say, ignoring all the advices from those who truly love me and even turn against them becos of u.. its true craziness. I should not have done these and should not even allow all these..

I kept things from everyone becos I dun wan to hear any negative thing about u, Its me who is avoiding the reality, lying to myself, being an ostrich.

Perhaps, things happen for a reason... The reason is for me to understand all these and not be naive anymore.. Well... Life lesson is never ending, only until ur life come to an end.. but the thing is u must learn from whatever that have happen, rather than avoiding.. It all help to make u a better person...

Loving oneself is not abt revenge, but about appreciate who u are and people around u..
Arts of living, maybe.

Sorry to say.. No matter what, we will have to end it.. whether is there still love, habit, commit or wat not... but for the best of u and me.. Cos at this very point of time, I dun see any future being wit u anymore..

The "Do you know..." Series

Do you know... While you are complaining about ur work, there are someone who are digging the rubbish dump in hope to find food.
Learn to love and be content.
Well, if you think otherwise, I shall say "igornant is bliss"...

Human - The source to all suffers and miseries

It pains me when I begin to realize so many hidden things... Using the eyes of another to understand the world, I came to know that human acts are affecting all individuals, not only human to human but to the animals, to the enviornment. Its a joke when many love to point fingers at everything other than themselves.

Have you ever feel contented with what you have? When will people start learning to love and to share? Its pretty disappointing to see ignorant people, only care if they earn much to satisfy their material needs, rather than looking at the big picture. You are alive doesn't means there won't be anyone dying or suffering.

What is the truely suffering? a relationship breakout? not enough money for the latest trend? not able to shop till you drop during a holiday trip?

or is it to live this life with a scarred face since young? being trap in a cage and lost all freedom? waiting to be slaughter for the seek of meat trade? been treat like a prostitute and an object of child-birth?

The recent stories to share:

Human to Human Harm - The victims of acid attacks

Was watch a variaty show, Stars For A Cause 3 (Episode 3) on channel U. This season is host by our local artist, Michelle Chia and her trip to Cambodia visiting a non-profit organization CAS which helps those who had suffer from Acid attacks.

While we are thinking of what branded bags to buy, people in the 3rd world countries are suffering from things like this. As we know the corrosiveness of pure acid, it is a cheap and easy weapon for the cambodians to take revenge on people they dislike.

A mother who is kind enough to lend money to a friend of her, been attack by this friend when she was asking for the return of the debt owe.

Another mother and daughter believe to be a victim of the irresponsible father. As the father had an affair, the 3rd party went to splash acid at the mother (who is with the daughter at the scene of incident) while they were on a scooter. The acid not only affect the mother but also scar the younger daughter who was only 4 at that moment. As police have no evidence against the attacker, no one was been arrested for this incident and it ends with a scarred blind mother with a little scarred face girl.

Until today, the 6 yr old girl still ponder why they became a victim of the attack, while the mother wanting to leave her child with a good impression of her father, remain silent whenever been question. And her heartless father had left the 2 and migrate to another country with 2 of their other children who aren't attacked by the acid.

Thats so sad... What have this world become? All the Pains and sufferings are breed by jealousy, anger, greeds, negative feelings. That is how strong a human mind is. This little girl had then become conscience of her ugly scarred face and prefer to hide herself in their poor-condition house which is just next to a rubbish dumping ground. She is only 6, and there is still a long long way for her to go. can anyone feels how she feels? isn't these millions times worse than your stressful life?

Can people just learn to love and share and be contented, rather than being so selfish and only concern about whether you have a good lunch today! these people don't even have enough to feed themselves.

Ego & Desire Breeds Unhappiness

A man asked Lord Buddha
"I want happiness"
Lord Buddha said
First remove the "I" That's EGO
Then remove "want" That's DESIRE
See now you are left with only
"HAPPINESS"

Hence, Ego & Desire Breeds Unhappiness

DeSoLoGY: Keep an open mind in order to succeed in life

Been in the working society for 3 years... these essential 3 yrs means alot to me... a major transformation... from a little ignorant kid to a person who dare to pursue her dreams... i have grew up...

wat hav i really been thru' at the age of 23... well... in fact, everyone been thru' many things, its jus their degree of acceptance and analyzing the situation... watever that may seems to be a mishap is jus another lesson to learn... u may grief, may upset, may get angry, but keep an open mind to see things and realize all individual's faults... i mean, it takes 2 hands to clap, the fault usually lies on both parties (including ourselves) but ppl jus dun wish to accept or even face it... same issue goes to my current boss... jus becos of egotism, face value, u lose out in everything. no matter wat experience u have, how much worth of assets u hold, how high ur self value is... all are pointless when one can't even face themselves... by saying means nth... To say is always easy but to really admit one's fault, it really takes a lot of courage... but agn, its all depend on a person's view... for me... well... i cherish all my frens, no one is special, everyone is special... i aim to be fair and balance (its a trail of Libra, I can't help it)... i treat ppl the way they treat me... if i dun feel sincerity, i will hold back wat i give in... well, tats normal, i mean who wanna be an idiot?! No one is perfect, neither am i... its a bliss when ppl dun pick on u, so wat it is to pick on others... The world is small, u nv noe if one day u need helps from others... being revengeful is the stupidest thing to do... jus dun bother abt ppl's life... dun force, keep things neutral, keep an open mind to accept ppl as well as ourselves...

Life can be wonderful, jus how u view it, how u wanna live it... as DeSoLo always said, 'Life is short, Happy or sad, like it or dun, u still hav to finish this path... y make is a miserable one? jus keep urself happy and make full use of ur life... live with no regret, die with no regret'

There r always gd and bad ppl out there... gd ppl to help u, bad ppl to trash u... but its u urself to choose if u wanna allow them to help, or allow them to trash...

Most importantly, Love urself... learn to love urself before anything, before anyone...

have you make your choice?

After 3 yrs of working life... i had learn to be responsible to myself, my family, people ard me that worth of care and concern...

at the age of 23, i mark myself, i name myself, i sort my mind... i make my choice... to make a different in my life... in my old parent's life... in control of my life... dare to dream... set my goal...

A person wif no plans and no goal is equal to a corpse... one feel astray with a target in life... life will be different when u see it in a different angle... when u noe ur purpose of staying alive.... when u have a target... when u decide to put ur thots into actions...

Goals make one person feel the sense of belonging, feel the meaning of life...

Everyone jus go back and think... wat u wan? and wat u have? and how u gng to do it? jus think and ask urself...

Yet another DeSoLoGY - 喜新厌旧

"Life is about Meeting New and Dumping Old?
人类天生的坏习惯是喜新厌旧吗?"

*bare wif it, I'm getting abit Narcissistic these days... :P i been throwing my pics all over my bloggy... hehe~ probably cos of my diagnosis of personal mental disorder (well, i self-declar as a 精神错乱 not 神经病 k... jus abit gila but not CRAZY!)

OMG... hell~ life under dramatic construction... haha~ i sound abit too exaggerate... not as bad as u ppl tot... ya... jus as wat DeSoLo is... emotional, negative, sensitive, fear of pain, she is able to walk out of a painful emotional situation pretty fast... maybe am immune from it... haa... wow~ 说大话... not really immune lah... can walk out fast cos mind stronger den heart... am a follower of mind, perphaps tats the reason y i'm keep on"thinking so much"...

Fated to be in unclear situation... the kind of unclear is like keeping everything unsaid, with alot of bloody hell-like mind game involve... and my dears, am not a gamer k, i dun game! i hate mind game... My mind is for guilding me to the 'no-pain' boundary, not for gaming...

Born wif very bad temper... i dun throw tantrum doesn't means i hav an angel like attitude... very stubborn, i believe there r ppl who experience my stubborness... am impatient... very harsh... harsh in decision i mean... 坏脾气又任性! 真难搞哦! dun ever try me... once my anger get working, my reaction will be out of control, u gotta lose me forever... i dun like been taken as a dummy... like... 把我当成牙签，填补空间, take me for granted. look for me when need me, hack care me when u dun need... i hate this kind of thing! it sux! I dun pester ppl, i dun go after ppl, i dun even approach stranger... so... 搞清楚好吗，是你先招惹我的? piangz...

human being is born imperfect, full of bad habit... like... the one i always say... Selfish and greedy... realizing one more... 喜新厌旧... direct translate: adore new and abhor old... having new stuffs and get tired of old stuffs... meeting new and forgetting old... very pathetic... but... agn... this mistake is all wat human being detest yet commited... haha... to the extend tat at times, stuffs dun means jus non-living things... horrible and ugly being huh... but well, tat all wat human being BORN to be... NATURE~ really... not wat ppl taught u but wat u possess since the very 1st day u are brought to life... sob... 好无奈啊，但这就是千真万确的事实。不在你我的控制防卫内~

currently constructing my life... cut away some of my habits... putting my heart in some other stuffs... resisting the facts tat ppl come and go jus so fast...things are like 一波未平，一波又起, getting far out of control... scary... trying hard to stablizing my conditions... relax...

p.s. will be away for 2 short trips this mth... KL (10/11/06-12/11/06) & Batam Turi Beach (26/11/06-27/11/06)... really SHORT trip, but well! gd enuf le lor~ bleh :p

DeSoLoGY LeSsOn - A Trophy

well, i try hiting on my 'DeSoLoGY' agn... receiving complaints from my dearly gers saying tat recently i din blog as often... ok... here it goes...

i'm having lagi jialat mood swing these days... and i actually hav a lot of tots in mind... btw! my sch begin next week le, a 3 yrs journey... PLS! for these 3 yrs, i seriously wan NO r/s, i dun wan it to trash me somehow and i can't afford to take such risks... next week will be my lecture week, hell, it will be straight one week, 5 days lecture 4 hr duration each day! wow! bz day huh... scary... ok, back to topic...

God of Death

sorry, but this topic will be abit creepy... ok... somehow i sense the present of Death god... these days he brought quite a few ppl away... like... my colleague's grandma, my another colleague's aunt, my cyber bestie's grandpa, etc... hai... i'm getting emotional... tot of my granny agn... i miss her alot... human being are always like tat, only when u lose it, den u learn abt cherish, but its always too late... i rmb one of my very gd fren ever share wif mi one of his christainity belief... god call ppl home cos they had finish learning wat they should learn... so... after some thinking, leaving this world isn't really a bad thing... see, u actually graduate... when will i finish learning mine? am tired... as i grow older, things change, environment change, i change... i change alot thru'out the yrs... forces of nature... gd or bad, not up to me to judge, neither is u to judge... perphaps tat's wat i'm learning this time rd... i always tell my gers, 'no matter how bad, how worse i become, love me for who i am, dun hate me'... and ya, my ladies, when u read this, promise me tat u will do it...

The Trophy

Sometimes i felt tat guys want me to stay by their side not becos tat he needs me, he likes me, or he love me... but becos of i'm like a Trophy... sorry to had said this... not abt boosting myself or watever... but tat's wat i feel... u noe... a Trophy, its a big thing when u GET a trophy, but it ain't a big thing when u BECOME a trophy... Its nth abt love, its jus something u won, something to bring u the status of championship... but agn... one person can hav many trophies... and when u hav a better and greater one, u will put the old one aside~ or rather ppl who i fall for are usually those who collect trophies? haa... tat's pathetic but true... Love is not my kind of game... well, afterall, i seek for attention den love... and i noe it.. tat's a gone case one...

at times i wonder... wat i wan? for family, for career, for frens, i'm very clear of wat i wan... but for love, for r/s, i'm confuse... i had nv really found the ans and i had nv carry any plan for future on tat topic... commitment is too heavy for me... promises are meant to be broken... human beings can nv be trusted...

I'm Losing the ability to love as times passby... last time i can love someone for yrs... now, i can only like somebody for days... Every gers tot of marriage, but to me, it seems horrible... i doubt any guys can love me as much as i love myself... and only i myself can take care of myself well enough... only i myself noe how to get wat i wan...

Tat's my pathetic life.. ok... i'm off for mitings... haha~ am a bz women k, mind u!

Everything seems to look so perfect

歌曲：离开我
歌手：陶晶莹

我把你的电话从手机里消除了
我把你的消息从话题里减少了
我把你的味道用香水喷掉了
我把你的照片用全家福挡住了
你让我的懂事变成一种幼稚
你让我的骄傲觉得很无知
你让我的朋友关心我的生活
你让我的软弱陪伴你的自由
离开我你会不会好一点
离开你什么事都难一点
车来了坐上你的明天
车走了我还站在路边
离开你你会不会好一点
离开你什么事都难一点
风来了云就会少一点
你走了我住在雨里面

==============================

Am beginning to go into DeSoLoGY agn... taking all wat i see, all wat i experience, all wat i hear as a experiment... in another word, start exploring abt complicated human mind...

Feedback from ppl who noe me... they find me very mysterious wif my thinking... so obvious tat i'm thinking abt something but i jus won't say it out, until i really trust and noe tat person tat well... am over-sensitive... somehow a gd thing and a bad thing... gd, i can easily sense the change of mood in anyone, but depend on if i wanna react or not... bad, cos i'm thinking too much... i concentrade too much on the consequences and outcome den too enjoy the current, enjoy wat i hav and i noe rite now... concerning of consequence cos i dun like taking risk nor regret... sensitive - i noe wat to say and wat not to, i noe how to make u happy and also noe how to trash u...

I always think am a very bad example, very complicated person, vey hard to handle... perphaps guys who been wif me b4, they can sense it... i treat frens and lovers very differently... i draw a clear line... be my fren will be a bliss, be my guy will be a torture... cos i dun like promise and commitment... maybe 'i love you' can easily be said, be mention, but for me... its hard... even if i'm wif some guy, doesn't mean i LOVE tat person, definitly i like him, but not love him.. love to mi is even more complex, not abt jus giving status, but abt commitment. and to mi commitment is something cannot be break... its jus as serious... ppl who said those word, and bk it, should simply go to hell... its an insult... even simple things like, u actually promise ur fren to watch movie, den u last min not gng, its also a sin... its very rude... pls respect urself, respect others, respect wat u urself had said...

being my fren is a bliss... i dun expect much from my fren, as long as we click, u care for me and i concern abt u... i love wat u do and u love who i am, tat's it, jus so simple... frens might fall out when ur hav conflicts and so... but fren won't tell u something like... 'sorry, cos my other best fren really needs me, so i can't be fren wif u...' tat explain y DeSoLo treasure her gers so much...

Sometimes human beings jus sux! u simply can't differentiate between truth and lies... contradicting animals... like ur cheerful, but den they brought tears to this smiling face and brought pains to this cheerful life... they can be so angelic but turn into devil anytime... i myself is a devil too... well...

DeSoLoGY LeSsOn - I Can't Live On WithOut Me, I and MYSELF

ok, it got to be a WORD-Y post! too lazy to upload pics though i hav alot to post! but...

I seriously think i'm updating my blog very frequently... haha... well, not everyday but ard... at least ard 2/3 times a week? wahahah... ok~ i'm lor soh...

recently, a few things i realized... more and more ppl having blog! hmm... my dearest ah shu... my colleague, juanna... a gd thing i'll say... cos i see the changes in me, as in my writing, my language... haha~ a gd way to improve english?! maybe~ i take my blog as... anything, everything, my tots, my days... ENOUGH! i hate my blog skin! everyone been asking me... Y U CHANGE IT?! alamak! u tot i wan ah~ quickly get my archive link fix and i'll change it back asap... i too can't take this boring, plain, ordinary layout! ARGH...

a few stuffs i been pondering~ how should i put it?! Can i read ppl's minds?! i mean... can i read and assure of one's mind, as in i read it and i noe i'm not wrong abt it... i'm tired of guessing here and there at times... life somehow like playing chess... at times u noe which steps to take, exactly wat kind of outcome will happen, at times, things jus happen without u even realize... i think, think so hard on every step i make... Something always hit me hard! its like i been slapping myself huh? hmm... like... u dislike somebody doing something and u din realized u are doing such thing also... i'm so so afraid of doing such stupid things! but somehow, i hav no ans, am i slapping myself? i play my ways, believing in Karma, but somehow fighting against it... becos it dun pays being a gd person... but for sure, i'll nv nv harm ppl who i love, i promise with my life... and i mean ppl I LOVE! not ppl who love me k! different hor! haha~ i dun usually love ppl one lah... wahahaha~ To those who i love and u noe who u r, trust me and nv doubt me, i promise i'll nv do bad things to u... i'll nv...

anyway, drop it! ok... recently was surfing friendster... oh ya! i love surfing friendster and violate ppl's privacy! haha~ oh well, this 'fren' of mine, not very familar lah... but i noe her! a rather sad thing... she married quite early i guess, wonder if its 'shot gun', doesn't matters... anyway, i dun noe how long she was wif her man b4 they got marry... anyway, she's only one yr older den me, and she having 2 kids now... her younger child was jus ard less than 2 mth old?! ya~ anyway, so sad... her man left her for a women who he knew for a short period, the man left for that slut while his baby wasn't even a mth old... so sad... and now... the younger child goes to the mother and the older one goes to the father... its rather FUCK UP! OH Gosh! dun noe y, i'll nv hate that slut more than the man! maybe cos i'm a women... i hate such thing! come on! who suffer the most? the 2 children... fuck! can u still believe the man tat u holding hand wif NOW?! FUCK! enough of all this sickening man... i'm getting tired of them.. and now the poor mum was like missing the elder child like hell, ever wanted to jump down the building wif the baby... SEE! HEARTLESS creature, tat's wat he had done by bking the family... Trust and Freedom... So wat great fuck abt it?! come on, dun ever come to me and say 'give me freedom and trust me'~ FINE! if u wan freedom, dun get attached! U wan trust?! Go and die lah! In r/s, i only trust a non-human being! haha~ cruel me~ FUCK IT! wat the hell sia~ the poor lady is so suffering u noe... u understand anot?! ur child and u can't see him at all! u miss him, u cry over the photos but agn, he's nv to be forgotten and nv to be replc... FUCK IT! it simply remind me of 'ESKI' agn... and i felt so so lagi FUCK UP! sorry, DeSoLo is nv a gentle lady! FUCK IT... Brainless idiots, think wif their cock! fuck! i simply can't stand such thing! so now, i ask u ppl! being a women is really tat great? dun hav to study, jus marry a gd husband! but come on, can u garantee? garantee tat he could make it to a gd husband?! fuck it! i hav seen far too many examples... make me simply tired of r/s, to give myself wholeheartedly to one person! i must be crazy in order to do tat! tat's hell! OMG! will there be anyone to save me from this kinda thinking, its getting worse each day... its getting worse as time passby, its getting worse as more and more ppl ard me suffer from it... OH GOSH! tat's hell~ i'm gone case to the extend whenever i saw a couple holding hands AS IF they r so loving, i start wondering... 'who knows this loving man of urs is holding some other women's hand when u're not wif him', 'who knows he's cheating on u without anyone knowing'... come on lah... when someone bk the news to me, a 9 yrs r/s become shaky cos of a hidden affair which last for a yr! though the affair had already ended, but who can garantee? no one... So wat the fuck abt the length of period?! wat the fuck abt commitment?! who really take it seriously?! its craps... whole full of craps! Wat makes u love a person? other den his/her looks? wat can make u love him/her? feelings? trust? money? can u ans it urself? u dun even noe... looks will goes, feelings will fade, trust dun even exist, money - tat's not even LOVE! So wat else u hav? pray hard tat i'll die young to skip this stupidest stage of life! to trust someone knowing he might bk it one day!

So will anyone die without somebody... the ans is NO! u will only die when u lose urself! ppl commit suicide when they lost someone they like, they depress, but agn, its not abt losing somebody but abt losing him/herself... u can't survive without urself! So wat if u lose somebody, keep urself clear! if one day, DeSoLo were to commit suicide becos of a guy who she love had left me, pls do her a favour, by pushing her down the building! such suicidal acts simply make me lose my face sia, i rather die! haha~! OMG! i had go alittle too far!

conclusion:
We will die only if we lose ourself... the world is make up by love, true, but its more of, how u love and cherish urself! Nv gif urself to someone wholeheartedly, nth in this world has a life-time garantee! *wink*

DeSoLoGY LeSsOn

haha~ ok, well... guess... Trina is my number one reader! haha~ she always nv fail to ready my entry and understand wat i say and appreciate wat i wrote... tat make mi love her ba... haha~ ok... knowing DeSoLo... when u see the title 'DeSoLoGY' u noe i gonna put my DesoLOGIC in agn... ok... lets begin...

changes.. changes in me... many ppl tot tat Sijia is still the same, nv change but i kinda change alot... real lot in a short period of time... tell me, how much can u change urself in 6 mths?! i changed... in term of thinking, mindset... i learn alot of things... a simply yet true thinking... 'NO ONE OWE U A LIVING'... well, i'm not targeting anyone.. jus wat i wanna say... many ppl in this world always think how badly they r, how sux their life are... but somehow, somewhat they been taking things for granted and nv realize... like for example, how many ppl in this world will really say a 'thank you' to ur mum after u hav a nicely well cooked dinner by her... no one... cos wat, u take it for granted, u think tat 'come on lor, she my mum leh, she should one lor!' but agn... even if, she's gif u life, doesn't means she owes u... study for the sake of study! study for the sake for parent wan u to study! study for the sake of not wanting to enter NS, enter REAL working life... a form of escape?! how many ppl is doing tat?! how many ppl is 20 over yr old and still doing tat? its pretty sad... sometimes, ok... ppl might think tat my grp of gers are easy, are jus a bunch of rubbish... rubbish in the DUSTBIN?! but i love my gers... they r different, very... my girls: - Jocelyn, she been working since after sec sch... she got no diploma, she started as swimming teacher, sales, runner, watever... if u wanna tok abt r/s, saying how bad ur r/s was, ur bf left u and u couldn't live in this world! come on, she hav the worse, she get over it, getting stronger each day... she learn, she proud of herself... - Trina, same... wat so abt having a incomplete family, its nv an excuse! she dun even feel disgrace to let anyone noe her past... the true in her, her frenliness... at the age of 17, she migrate wif her mum, she build her life over at this country which she dun even noe... her fren are all here... misses, but of no choice, she carry on her life, having a optimistic view... hurt.. ya.... for her, she too hav her unpleasant past... i won't compare, feeling is a kind of things tat can nv compare... suffer and miser is nv to be compare among different ppl... having much suffering doesn't means anything but to learn from it, to overcome it is e spirit i seek for... and same goes to Trina... she make me believe tat not all gers are as cunning as i tot... not all ppl are as non-trust-worthy... make me love myself more?! ya~ she did... for Belle, i love her righteous, i love the way she treat her fren... very true abt wat trina said abt her, she is e right fren everyone needs... ppl might see her very lowly, see her as an ah lian... but come on, even well-educated ppl can't compare to her... at the age of 20, still schling... she can't really earn money on her own... but she nv nv take advantage of ppl... even if wif her looks and so on, she can easily cheat guys for money! but she nv... the kind tat if i hav no money, i rather suffer and lock myself up den to go out and take money from parent, from grandparent, from sister, borrow from frens... she nv... dun take it for granted, tat's wat i mean... being a fren, when Trina was far away in Aussie, Belle play a part in sending Trina's grandma to clinic to where... will u do that? whenever i tot of this, i feel so lousy of myself, cos i can't do wat she done... Wat i love abt my gers... ya, i always say it as EGOTISTIC BITCH~ We vain, we shake our butt high as we walk, we r proud, we r ya ya... but we r independent... we will nv be like anyone who leave under some body... we earn our own, spend our own... having our plans... noe wat we wan... nv take other ppl things... definitly we r not those 'once broken consider sold' (fragile)... We r stronger... guys is more of a accessories den a neccessity... tat's us... we rather depend on ourselves... ignore wat others might say, find a gd partner and we can stay as a tai tai, carefree~ but come on, u nv noe wat god arrange for u... anything bad might happen... worse when it happen at ur most happiest moment... nth is garantee... 20 yr old might still alot younger, still a lot of time... but come to think of it... its isn't so... time flies real fast... To act and not to regret...

As i grew up, as i see... i learn to forget abt hatred... but ya, too i forget abt love... i still rmb how to love myself, my fren, my family, my dog... but i somehow forgot to love a guy... i forget abt hatred but i forget abt how to love those tat i once pain for... like... felix, Diana gang, i'm tired... i dun wanna hate... afterall, tat's their life... but to love them, i dun noe how... jus leave it as it is... like Tim, i'm pain, i'm hurt (ok, who's not), but there's no hatred... i noe... one day, i will still tok to him... one day we will still be fren... like YongKun, i once dislike him... and guess only a handful of them noe abt it... but now... i can take pic wif him, vain together, camwhore together... alot of things... changes... to gd, to bad, not up to me~ even pat was shock abt my change... too many things... jus accept it... no one owe me a living... at times, ppl keep quiet not becos ppl scar of u... but becos they dun wanna fight wif u... ya, i get it, long ago... at times i too take it for granted without me realising but at least i will return wat they done for me by being a listener, help them when they need, apperciate wat they done...

*Knowing how to appreciate ppl ard u and not expecting return is the greatest bliss in life*

I appreciate and feel blessed, Do u?

Wat abt love?

ok... today on DeSoLoGY, we tok abt love...

These many ppl been toking or rather seeking or in hope of true love... which i call it as the 'perfect love'... as u noe perfect does not exsist so not to mention abt perfect love...

everyone expect love like wat u see in romeo and juliet... like liang san po and zhu yin tai... like meteor garden, san cai and dao ming shi... like mars, chen lin and han qi luo... but agn... these are shows and its unreal... so is there any love like this? i doubt... but no doubt, there r still couples out there who been together for yrs... and den one more qns... is it love or habit... is it true tat loving will become a habit as time pass by... do u consider such habit as love?

y everyone wan love as in the kinda boy ger r/s kind... y everyone wan it so much? support? concern? care? happiness?... but did anyone realized how much tears u hav to put in, in order to get all these... no pain no gain mah... simple rules of exchange... lovers are human too... and no doubt they are nth diff from those tat u saw, they dun really hav special connection wif u...
they might love u but yet hurt u... they might love u, but dun do wat u expect, they might love u, but disappoint u... At times being together is not abt love... as ppl always said... love important or bread? without love, u won't die but without bread, u will die... this trying to ask u to differentiate between reality and love....

Love isn't jus abt how much i wanna be wif somebody, how much i wanna him/her to be wif mi, everlasting... but abt how ur live together, how u give and take, how u understand and share... tat's sound simple but not at all... love someone only if u noe how to love and not jus to love or be love.... Alot to learn... Some ppl are born blessed, they hav the so call love and act as if they dun need to noe much abt others ard them... and kind of living in her own world... but agn... its always bless to be the unblessed ones, cos as u fall, u learn... and only when u fall, u noe wat is pain... u learn as u grow, and end up those been hurt one are those who noe more and experience more...

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ok... enough of DeSoLoGY... back to life... OMG, i'm feeling pain everywhere... pain in my arms cos of the outing on sat... brought ash out wif thomas, Dallas, Sher and Sher's fren... ya, no doubt, bring ash out is always taxing... ash is such a active boy lor... and ya, especially when i need to carry him while waiting for taxi... but agn it won't stop mi from bringing him out... **wink**

ok... i'm feeling pain in my foot, cos by the long period of wearing heels and uncomtfy footwear, guess i kana corn in my foot liao... and ya, crack heels...

and ya... PMS! tummy werid, feeling uneasy, mood swing, tired, slpy, alot lah...

and lastly, a very bad neckache... cos by fixing puzzle... complete a puzzle in the afternoon... ok... well, i noe its not a difficult task but agn i like cannot ah... i love doing puzzle.... and here my darling...

The box... bought it last yr, nv had a chance to get it done...

In pieces....

The sides

The completed Libra goddess... am a librian... and i simply love thsi art piece... i love the libra and the scropio... best out of all.. however the Virgo remind me of 'the lady' (Emperess)... anyway, i still love this the zodiac... so nice... and ya, i finish it in hrs without rest, that explain my neckache~ mum was like so happy wif this puzzle tat she wanna go get a frame for it...

All my bodyache simply make mi wanna go back!

And ya... i'm lovin' in... I'm loving in Cranberry... first i tried cranberry vodka, den i tried cranberry Ricola sweet... last i tried cranberry Raspberry Snapple... OMG it sen mi up to heaven.... I'm lovin' in....