Fall in Love with Myself Once Again

Surviving thru' a Break Up.. Some of them choose to stuff themselves with food and wait for an angel to save them..

For me, I choose to divert my attention.. divert back to myself.. being in a 3 years relationship and walking out of it make me realize the mistakes that many many human beings had commit.. not about taking a relationship too seriously but allowing yourself to love someone more than loving yourself...
Me too, I did this mistake, I allow myself to turn ugly, to feel ugly, even dont dare to step on a weighing scale, even spend lesser time looking into a mirror..

Changes took over me, I gain weight, to like almost 15kg more. I felt old, I dump my face mask at a side for it rot. I did less make up, can even be too lazy for any make up.. I stop shopping cos either I cant find my size or nice clothes just turn out to be sux on me!

I was depress for like a month.. I even thot at my age of 27, am too old to step into another relationship when all good guys had already found their special someone.. Gradually I choose to pick myself up from there.. Thanks to the supports from my loving mum who told me there is nothing to be afraid of even if a women stay single forever.. Thanks to my very very nice boyfriends, my really true buddies who will stand by me, wipe my tears, listen to me, without a single bad intention, only pure concerns.. They stood by me, whenever I need a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, they are there. Even thou' I once forsake them a guy who I thot I'll marry him. Life is all about changes. Changes occurs when u least expected it, I totally never expect myself to be single again, to not getting marry in year 2013, to have all these friends with me, to love myself again.

Just as times passed, I realized that no one knows how to love me more than I do.. I begin to think how do I get back to when I begin.. Age is something I can't stop, but physically, mentally, I am able to.. Since now am a free soul, I have a lot of time for myself, my focus is again back to myself and not any other people or things. Since the break up brought along depression, sleepless nights and loss of appetite which make me shed a little bit of weight, I must work on dieting.

Trust me, am born a fatty bom bom even since my school daze... Looking back at my own pic, I felt hilarious yet happy that I had changed so much.

 

This was like taken when am 16. When everyone is sharing about youth, all I have a FATS! My face look as thou I'm been beaten up till it swell like nobody biz. Scary indeed. Nothing change me much, I continue my life to my poly times...

 

Yes, that's my poly years, trust me.. I look like this for like 3 years of polytechnic times.. Speechless.. totally.. and I was always been mistaken as a butch.. (well.. am not..) something hit me when poly over, I just felt I love being in the lime light, I wanna look good.. and yeah.. dieting start.. As a lazy being, I don't quite enjoy sports.. My dieting is strictly only curbing my hungry, in a very unhealthy way.. but at the age of 20, metabolism rate is still at the high side, slimming seem much easier..

I begin to look much better.. at least I dress more lady like.. I begin My journey to be a tanned bitch.. I head the clubs, head the beach every week, continue dieting.. Took the slimming supplement, off the shelves ones, like extrium X, xando... even went for doctor's prescriptions, reductil...

And this is what I am in my 22 year old... My best state... Totally love who I was that moment.. young and gorgeous... but again... Thats when my youth truly begin and I got my nick, DeSoLo.. but again... DeSoLo is a rubber band... I went fat again, probably with the pamper of love...

 In a relationship, I tend to gain weight.. and i even stop doing tanning as I gain weight, i lost my confident.. and gradually, I learn about this MLM company which is into acupuncture slimming, so I went for it.. 

and Tadah....

 

Am back to a gorgeous baby... but DeSoLo love food... and I have a habit of not wanting to waste food... I always over-ordered and end up over-eat... 

 

This was taken during my Thailand trip last year, May 2012.. yes.. from my best state, I gain 15KG! BLOODY 15KG!!! OMG! I reduce all my camwhoring habit and allow myself to turn into a auntie!!!

Since December 2012 when my relationship became rocky, all drama started.. and yes.. I lost weight again... In Jan 2013, I start doing my exercising, dieting, detoxing... I start watching my food intake, stop when am full.. and exercise as much as I can, at least once a week minimum... I hit the pool again.. I became tanned.. I even went for slimming massage to kill the cellulite issue on my big fat thighs... I took my meal replacements and strictly follow thru...

 

This is what I am today.. photo taken this morning.. definitely I look more matured... I lost so far a 10KG, I still got another 5KG to go... but I promise that I won't let the weight come back ever again... Jia you! Finally I found myself back.. and yes.. exercise... I have so many things in mind... I wanna start hot yoga, I wanna go for IPL, I wanna have my hair perm and dyed... Continue my love for myself.. 

If I can do it, I believe everyone can... 

A Love that comes too Late - A Tribute to my late Granny

Regretion always come only after loss... Often people begin to regret about what they have not done when that "someone" is still alive... Same goes for me... I expect my this entry to be full of tears... It about A Love that is too Late...

The Childhood times...
When I was little, I was brought up by my godma who is my nanny... thou' I came back home every weekend, am not as close to my granny.. Unlike my elder sis who is brought up by Granny and share a very close relationship with her... probably am influence by my mum who not in a good terms with granny, I always throw tantrums at Granny, argue with her.
I can still recall that Granny was always the one who bought lunch and dinner for me and sis when we were in the primary and secondary school, when mum works on the weekends.
Granny use to stay with us in this 3 room HDB flat whereby me and sis share the room with her, gradually, the family come out with the idea of getting her to take turns stay at each child's place for every 2 weeks, thus, my granny become like a ball been push around. I would like to clarify that my dad is not those unfilial son, just that my mum dominant over him. He has always been a easy-going guy who won't fight for anything. Just for the sake of fairness, the family thought its was only fair if she take turns to stay at every son's house for 2 weeks each (she got 4 sons by the way). Soon my granny got tired of it, she volunteer to go to the old folk home. At my age (13-14 years old), I don't even knows whats all this about and never even bother to think or analyze the situation. Things just went on...
Granny shifted to the old folk home, during her 1st year at the home, she still came back for New year, but just for the very 1st year, after that she refuse to come back. And after some accident at the home, she left us. I didn't went to the hospital to visit her and I would say I had handle her death pretty well. I didn't shed a tear when I receive the news. Only start tearing at the very last moment when she is cremated.

The wake up Call...
As times passed... I didn't really think much about it until one of our daily night chat (last time I use to share a room with sis), sis share with me how much she missed Granny. She told me alot of stories about granny, about how bonded are they, about the sufferings that my granny went thru'... She share the reason why Granny don't wanna come back home after the 1st New year she spent at home... Granny fell in the restroom and told sis that she felt this house is no longer her home when all the furnituring are changed (we refurnished the whole house after Granny shifted), she was upset, so sad that she don't even wanna come home. I recalled that my godma (who was then my granny recognised as her god-daughter, they share a very close friendship) ever told me that granny did shared with her that she felt very very sad when she 1st reach the old folks home.. all these start to trigger my emotions and made me realized that how much I had missed...

The moments that are lost...
I began to feel the pain that she was feeling at that very moment when she decided to go to the old folk home... A lot of things that haven't been done and can no longer be done... When my granny left us, I was only 15, at that schooling age, am not able to bring my granny out for a meal. Mobile phone with camera are not invented yet, not even the colour screen handphone. Digital camera is a rare item to own. I don't even have a decent photo taken with Granny. many said that I look alot like my granny, which now am proud and happy about it. I realized that I have never given her anything, not even a hug...
Same goes for my sis, everytime we watch a show or a movie, if there is a scene of the old lady been sent to the home, We will start tearing... For example, [Money not enough] by Jack Neo, which the old grandmother share exactly the same fortune as my granny, been push around and end up send to home, the difference is that my granny is mentally sound when she volunteer to shift to the home. The recent movie I watch [A simple Life] trigger my tears too. I won't say the movie is very good or really very touching kind, but I cried a bucket of tears in the cinema, main reason is it remind me of my late Granny. It have been more than 10 years, yet every year when I visit the urn, my eyes still went watery.
So much so much regret... If only I know about appreciation much earlier, I could have given her a hug...
Many people had left, but she is the only one who I could never stop missing and fill me with regretion...

A tribute to my Late Granny
Recently I saw a Post on Facebook by Rose Charities Singapore, they are paying a visit to Lee Ah Mooi Old Age Home on 15th April, and they are looking for contribution of adult diapers, rashes cream, shower foams, necessities items.
Immediately I thought of my Granny and decided to make a contribution. As for the visit, I hesitate for a while as I afraid that my low EQ might make me burst on that day of visit, but with support from Love, I decided to go for it.

For people who want to contribute:

Rose Charities Singapore had contacted Summit Co.,distributor for Pureen products, who had kindly agreed to support the cause by offering items at a much lower price.

Special prices had been offered for the following items:

Pureen Inco Adult Diaper (Free size)
Product code: PR-PIDFS10-0
Unit price: $5.80 / 10 pcs per pkt (usual price:$7.30)
12pkt in 1 carton


Pureen Baby Shampoo with Vit E
Product code: PR-PSV75-0
Unit price: $4.22 / 750ML (usual price:$6.95))
12units in 1 carton

Pureen Baby Lotion
Product code: PR-PNL30-0
Unit price: $1.94 / 225ml (usual price:$3.20)
24 units in 1 carton

Pureen Nappy Rash Cream
Product code: PR-NAP01-0
Unit price: $2.37 / 50g (usual price:$3.90)
24 units in 1 carton

Pls contact Shendy - Summit Company @ mobile: 97637288 for orders and payment. Mode of payment can be Cash, Cheque or Bank transfer.

**To enjoy the special prices offered to donors of Rose Charities Singapore, kindly let Shendy know that you are donating in the name of Rose Charities.

A short introduction about Lee Ah Mooi Old Age Home:
Lee Ah Mooi Old age Home is a living, breathing testament to an amazing story of Madam Lee and her family's dedication to a cause and the place of rest and solace for those treading the final lap of their lives.
There are over 150 old folk currently staying at the home.
Many of these old folks, often senile, are abandoned by families at the hospitals or at door step. Many are from low income families who cannot pay much or staying for free due to working family unable to take care of them. All these old folks are living off Lee Ah Mooi Old Age Home who depends heavily on charity.

Shouting out to all readers:
I hereby sincerely wish that whoever who read this, who share a good heart, who had a granny or grandpa, whether they are with you or had left, with love, do a contribution. No matter how much you contribute, even for just 1 packet of diapers, I thanks you whole-heartedly. Its not alot of money, as little as $10 can help the olds. $10 is just a cost of 1 meal. I myself contributed a carton of diapers which cost SGD$75, which is just the cost of a meal for 2 pax at a medium grade restaurant, its really not alot. Its not as much as the cost of a Branded bag nor a ipad 4G (if you can afford any of such, I believe this contribution is nothing to u). Without eating a meal won't kill, but without your help, these 150 old folks will suffer.
The world can only be warm if there Love are spread around...
The world had been contaminate with alot of jealousy, hatred, curelty, all negetive force, can we start to breed love and happiness...?

** Do join us for a visit to the home, please visit Rose Charities Singapore Facebook page to know more about the event.

The Moonbear - STOP Bile Bear Farming 《月亮熊》--黑熊取胆

The video make me tears... Watch to understand...
STOP Bile Bear!

“The Moonbear", an undercover film showing shocking footage of bears on bile farms throughout China has been released by independent Chinese journalists, and has received incredible support from the Chinese public with over half a million views so far.

Stop Bear farming!
its so cruel... imagine these were to happen to your family! and please...
I never believe how Bile can aids in human health. People still fell sick and die.
Sickness and health is about upkeeping of individuals, healthy diet, regular exercise! Its not about all there myths about animal product!
If really human health is that important, then goverment should ban Tobacco and alcohol as they are the source of bad health!
Why should animal suffer because of human's deeds! Its totally nonsense!

To my surprise, Korea, such a develop country is doing all this uncivillized acts as well!
Please sign the petition and rescue the MoonBears!
Show your support! Against these uncivillized acts! Sign the petition to save the MoonBears!
Ban BEAR FARMS IN KOREA - Save Bears! Petition | GoPetition

The "Do you know..." Series

Do you know... While you are complaining about ur work, there are someone who are digging the rubbish dump in hope to find food.
Learn to love and be content.
Well, if you think otherwise, I shall say "igornant is bliss"...

Human - The source to all suffers and miseries

It pains me when I begin to realize so many hidden things... Using the eyes of another to understand the world, I came to know that human acts are affecting all individuals, not only human to human but to the animals, to the enviornment. Its a joke when many love to point fingers at everything other than themselves.

Have you ever feel contented with what you have? When will people start learning to love and to share? Its pretty disappointing to see ignorant people, only care if they earn much to satisfy their material needs, rather than looking at the big picture. You are alive doesn't means there won't be anyone dying or suffering.

What is the truely suffering? a relationship breakout? not enough money for the latest trend? not able to shop till you drop during a holiday trip?

or is it to live this life with a scarred face since young? being trap in a cage and lost all freedom? waiting to be slaughter for the seek of meat trade? been treat like a prostitute and an object of child-birth?

The recent stories to share:

Human to Human Harm - The victims of acid attacks

Was watch a variaty show, Stars For A Cause 3 (Episode 3) on channel U. This season is host by our local artist, Michelle Chia and her trip to Cambodia visiting a non-profit organization CAS which helps those who had suffer from Acid attacks.

While we are thinking of what branded bags to buy, people in the 3rd world countries are suffering from things like this. As we know the corrosiveness of pure acid, it is a cheap and easy weapon for the cambodians to take revenge on people they dislike.

A mother who is kind enough to lend money to a friend of her, been attack by this friend when she was asking for the return of the debt owe.

Another mother and daughter believe to be a victim of the irresponsible father. As the father had an affair, the 3rd party went to splash acid at the mother (who is with the daughter at the scene of incident) while they were on a scooter. The acid not only affect the mother but also scar the younger daughter who was only 4 at that moment. As police have no evidence against the attacker, no one was been arrested for this incident and it ends with a scarred blind mother with a little scarred face girl.

Until today, the 6 yr old girl still ponder why they became a victim of the attack, while the mother wanting to leave her child with a good impression of her father, remain silent whenever been question. And her heartless father had left the 2 and migrate to another country with 2 of their other children who aren't attacked by the acid.

Thats so sad... What have this world become? All the Pains and sufferings are breed by jealousy, anger, greeds, negative feelings. That is how strong a human mind is. This little girl had then become conscience of her ugly scarred face and prefer to hide herself in their poor-condition house which is just next to a rubbish dumping ground. She is only 6, and there is still a long long way for her to go. can anyone feels how she feels? isn't these millions times worse than your stressful life?

Can people just learn to love and share and be contented, rather than being so selfish and only concern about whether you have a good lunch today! these people don't even have enough to feed themselves.