It really hurt (especially for me who have a history) seeing people cheating around, sluts throwing themselves at useless guys... perhaps to us, this guys are worthless, to slut that stood so low, they are jus too valuable, that they must grab hold, using all means to get him.. seriously dun get it, what so good, not like he is some heir or so... not like he earn $10K per month, maybe he dun even able to earn $1K a month.
People always say "love is blind", in fact, its blinded by "love". Or should I say blinded by "attention" or "loneliness"? What the hell is love all about? Making use of each other? fear of loneliness.. To me, just a status, just a companion (maybe not even a quality one), maybe really is "Ahmad" (in local slang, a chaffer),...
Even after a year, even after so long, not able to let go is a overstated word. Do I even fuck care? I don't.. no longer, cause he is really terribly UGLY and OLD and USELESS. Sorry. But too bad, We are indeed people of different world. I hold a better qualification, better family background, better financial history, so ya.. But the agony is still working on me, because of one thing... not the broken heart, not the wounds, not the history, but the break of trust. This break give a really big impact on me... I know I can't walk out of it. I know it frustrate me. I can't able to accept anyone, not because I can't love but because I cant trust.
All stories indeed almost the same, one of the partner have affair out there and deny everything, then suddenly the 2 subjects become an item. Its funny. Seriously. Some guys just love to act like a garbage bin, they take whatever shit that is dump to them. And some Slut just love to throw themselves to guys and stick to them like irritating gums, mind it, its CHEWED gums (or I mean screwed?!). And usually We knows the ending...
I have indeed give up, cause I really unable to entrust my heart to anyone, none other than my blood family, my parents, my dog (ya, no one able to fight their loyalty, trust me). When I feel lonely, I yoga, I sweat. When I need a hug, I grab a pillow or my DOG. Its way better than going thru' the drama because of this cheap word - "loneliness".
