June issue HER WORLD magazine feature:

100 Man Secrets... our boys confess

6 Things We Love Abt U
1. U come wif all e right play bits - tits, ass...
2. U can spend an hour inside a restroom and come out looking exactly like U did b4 U went inside.
3. The way U look at us.
4. Your mussed-up hair when U've jus gotten up.
5. your goofy grin when U look at our kids.
6. When we screw up at work, U always say it's not our fault, we're too good 4 tat job and e boss is an ass, anyway.

5 Signs We'll be GOOD in Bed
1. We start with kisses and massages.
2. A well-made bed.
3. We ask U what U'd like from the menu.
4. We find the way you hop abt on one foot while trying to get those knickers off sexy.
5. We French kiss U b4 U've brushed you teeth.

10 Questions We Wish U'd STOP Asking
1. "Where hav U been?"
2. "When are U coming home?"
3. "Will U stop tat?"
4. "Where are U?"
5. "Who are U looking at?"
6. "Do U think I'm fat?"
7. "Who's tat ger tat my colleague's best fren's yoga-partner's hairdresser's sister saw U having lunch with today?"
8. "What do U think of my family?"
9. "When are U fixing e tap/ going to spend more time with me/ etc?"
10. "What are U thinking?"

3 Questions We Wish U'd ASK More Often
1. "What's your number?"
2. "What say we skip the whole 'movie-dinner-walk-by-the-beach' thing and jus go home and screw our brains out?"
3. "Would U like another blow job now?"

Actually, we really wish U wouldn't ask us any questions. They usually only mean trouble for us.

5 SCARIEST Pharses
1. "My period's late!"
2. "My mum's coming to stay wif us."
3. "Let's go shopping."
4. "We need to talk."
5. "Meet my parents."

4 Pick-Up Lines That'll Get Us Anytime
1. "My name is XXX and U can call mi anytime."
2. "Hey there, big boy."
3. "Can I buy U a drink?"
4. "I'm drunk, I hav an apartment in Holland Village, would U like to take me home in my sports car?"

6 Signs We'll be GOOD Dads
1. We've preserved all our Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, Famous Five and Secret Seven books, and Noddy, Tintin and Asterix comics.
2. We hav a personality of a 4-yr-old.
3. We can clean the cat's litter tray without gagging.
4. We still catch Wild Rice productions with our parents.
5. We pass up tat promotion tat comes wif a fab sports car and Gong Li-lookalike secretary jus to spend more time wif U.
6. We can survive on jus 4 hr of slp.

3 Signs We Hav a BIG PENIS
1. We dun talk abt it.
2. We insist on going down on U to start wif.
3. There's no such thing as a big penis. If U dun believe us, ask your mum.

3 Signs We Hav a SMALL PENIS
1. We dun talk abt it.
2. We insist on going down on U to start wif.
3. There's no such thing as a small penis. If U dun believe us, ask your dad.

10 Things Tat can KILL an ERECTION
1. smell.
2. Poor grooming.
3. Granny panties.
4. Armpit hair.
5. Your eyes roll behind your head and U start to speak in Latin.
6. Your mouth is full and U're still talking.
7. U start talking cute.
8. U start naming our private parts: "Does Big Boy wanna come out and play?"
9. You watch the clock.
10. Your cat is watching us.

8 Things tat can INSPIRE an ERECTION
1. Lingerie.
2. Sexual confidence.
3. "Come-to-bed" eyes.
4. Nice smelling hair. Serious.
5. Anything with strings.
6. U licking an ice-cream cone.
7. Okay, big tits and a nice butt. HAppy now?
8. Actually, anything.

5 Men U should AVOID
1. Liars.
2. Any man who calls his penis "Big Boy".
3. Possessive men - they're hopelessly insecure and a relationship of any sort would only end in ruin.
4. Casanovas.
5. Any man who is mean to animals. Even centipedes

4 Signs We're NOT Going to CALL
1. We dun ask for your number and make no effort to take note of it even when U're dispensing it.
2. We smile excessively.
3. We say, too enthusiastically: "I'll call U."
4. We use your namecard to pick our teeth.

5 Signs We're Going to Call
1. We'll make an attempt early on in the conversation to get your number.
2. We pay attention to U all evening.
3. Our tongues hang out when we get your number.
4. We make U write your number on a piece of paper, on our forearm, our forehead... as many places as possible.
5. We start getting goofy.

6 Signs We're a Keeper
1. We buy U a life insurance policy on a birthday.
2. We visit your parents when U're on a business trip.
3. We spend as much time cuddling U as we do on sex.
4. After a disastrous holiday in which we were bumped off the plane, lost all our language and had the hotel bed collapse on us, we give U a hug and tell U sincerely: "Tat was fun."
5. When U come back comatose after a Cosmopolitan-heavy girls' nite out, we clean U up and put U to bed.
6. We offer to buy U sanitary napkins.

7 Things U Should Never Throw Out From Our Apartment
1. Our punk rock CDs and Rocky DVDs.
2. T-shirts. Only we can tell when they expire.
3. Our empty Jim Beam bottles and pizza-box collection.
4. Tat rusty stationary bike we're using as a clothes hanger. We are planning to use tat some day.
5. Ex-girlfriend's photos.
6. Our old squash racquets circa 1980 - just in case the sport comes back into fashion.
7. Tat busted VCR player we will get ard to fixing... Dun doubt our macho DIY ability, dammit.

10 Things We Do When U're NOT Looking
1. Scratch our balls.
2. Fart loudly.
3. Air our tummies in front of the fan.
4. Sniff our socks/underwear.
5. Sniff your underwear.
6. Eat out of the cooking pot.
7. Surf the Net for "Anna Kournikova, nude, photos".
8. Play Snake on our handphone when We're supposed to be busy washing up.
9. Pluck nostril hair.
10. Finish all the chocolate in the fridge, then leave the empty box in there hope tat U'll never find out.