I guess as one grew older... new yr seem to become so quiet.... a very sad, exhasted, piss new yr i have this yr~
SAD
i knew saying death during new yr are somehow not gd or watever... but bare wif mi, i've to tok abt it... u can choose to skip this part if u want~
receive a news frm godma on last sun (6/2/04), saying tat my younger godbro's(Robin) mum(auntie Jenny) jus past away in the afternoon... really feel so upset abt it... recalling the time, ard last yr or so, when i brought Robin to sec sch for enrollment, when mi and godsis sent him back to home... as u know, a 12 yr old kid, behaving childish, inmature thinking, despite seeing his mum suffering from the cancer disease, trying her very best to fight against the illness jus becos of her 2 sons, one at 12(Robin) and the other one at 16(Robin's Brother), Robin still shouting @ his mum, very rude towards his mum, which send tears rolling down frm auntie jenny's eyes... at that moment, we understand y Robin behave like this and understand the pain of auntie jenny, both mentally and physically... knowing that one day Robin will regret what he had done... both mi and godsis tried toking him through, but as u know, a 12 yr old kid will nv make sense to whatever logic u said... forgive him for his inmature thinking...
went to auntie jenny's Funeral on monday nite... can't forget what i see... it create a big impact on mi... really... i saw robin following the Priest doing all the neccessary ceremony, he was crying... seeing him in tears really hurt mi so much... i dote on him the most as he's my only godbrother... i start crying once i saw him in tears... jus dun noe y, but it hurt so so much... fate is always cruel, 1st it gave auntie jenny the illness since Robin was only in pri sch or less, and now gob call her home when robin is only 13... at new yr season some more... heard godma and godsis saying that Robin actually been crying for the past few days... the day when auntie Jenny past away, he called godma and bk down into tears... like wat i always said abt human's weakness, only know how to cherish when that particular person is gone... i jus can't bare to see robin crying... the little boy who's always pampered by us, imitating all show that he watched, act cool but alway failed... he was crying until his eyes were so red and swollen... recalling all this jus send tears to my eyes again~ imagine jus a few days ago, he is happily preparing for his coming new yr, looking forward for the holiday... and yet it became the most painful new yr he ever had and it will stain his heart forever... other den hurt and pain, i'm also very worry... as u noe kids without mum are easy to go stray, some more wif a violent dad who keep asking them not to study anymore and help him up in his drink stall... worry that he will turn into gangsters, worry that he won't be able to complete his study, worry that he might get beaten up by his dad, worry that he might take up smoking or even drugs... jus alot of worries... worry so much but dun noe what can i do... how can i help him? will i forget my responsibilities? worry and upset...
exhasted
dun noe y... since tues, i felt so exhasted... i feel so tired, maybe becos of the crying on the night b4. jus felt so so tired... went to sch in the morning and heard some news that really pissed mi off so so much... reach home @ 4pm, took a nap till 6pm, jus not enough for mi... slept at ard 1am, wake up at 8.30am, cos of that bloody church thingy... took a nap at ard 1pm and wake up at 2pm... still feeling so so tired... and seem like alot of things uncomplete... BI project, FYP thingy, and alot alot...
pissed
really pissed sia... sorry if i create some trouble for whoever... but i jus super duper pissed and i have to voice out... how i hope JASMINE and ALAN get to see this...
first of all... jus keep ur mouth shut if u dun wanna do a thing! Alan, i got nth more to say... he's not been doing things but he has been quiet! i dun wish to say anything, but u noe MI, MUN HONG and ZHENHUI are all struggling~! As for JASMINE, i got alot to say.... forgive mi for been too frank! but i hav to voice out either here or face to face or even BOTH! first... pls can u respect mi?! u really show no respect sia... when i was doing the coding, u nv even show that u wish to help or something!!! and yet, after i finish all, U SAID TO MI : "jeslyn, after u finish, pass ur FINISHED stuffs to mi, i wanna PLAY wif the design!!!" wat the hell... the user webby is completely plain and nth, y dun u go and design it and leave my stuffs alone!!! and one thing, if u really think that ur HTML is so gd, i doubt u will experience any trouble doing those ASPX coding.... dun gif mi reason saying "I forget the coding and stuffs", u can go internet to search for the html 'table' coding, i believe that u can also do so for ASPX! SOMEMORE, its all copy and paste frm our ECAD project.... if u were to say that u lost the ecad project or so, dun worry, both mi and mun hong still hav ours and mun hong is always there for u to clear all doubt... tell mi, copy and paste is really so difficult meh?! believe it or not, i din get A or Z for my ecad k, i got C or D... still... i manage to finish the customer webby... and ya, i guess now u are say, "no one assign mi tasks wat" PLS>>> stop all rubbish... u can always take the initiative! even mi, now i'm taking part of mun hong's user webby, doing the coding! and guess wat, I myself go and ask frm him one lor~! TELL U ONE THING, WE WON"T GET DISTINITION OR A JUST BECOS OF OUR DESIGN, IF EVERYTHING CAN'T LINK, THE SYSTEM CAN'T WORK, WITH THE WORLD MOST PRO DESIGN, WE WILL STILL FAIL!!! Pls keep this in mind! tell u wat, dun worry if u afraid that u got nth to do, cos we GOT PLENTY STUFFS NOT DONE... remember b4 sch reopen, we were discussing, and somebody mention "FLASH IS VERY EASY ONE WAT" and in the end what u said "I FORGET THE CODING, I DUN NOE HOW TO DO"! if u were to keep ur mouth shut, i will really appreciate it... u claim that its easy and yet, in the end, zhenhui hav to consult his bf's brother for that flash that u once said its VERY EASY!!!! if u dun noe in the 1st place, no one will force or scold u... but y must u say ITS VERY EASY, and make us feel so hopeful and in the end I DUN NOE HOW TO DO... if u dun noe, u shouldn't say that u noe in the first place and claim IT's VERY EASY! and tell u one thing, we dun owe u k! u tot munhong really wish to 'BAO GAO LIAO' meh?! u tot he happily do all this ah.... while u msn-ing, friendster-ing, he is bz doing all coding, crystal report, search internet for coding, dropdownlist, radiobutton and so on... u tot he enjoy huh! the time he spend doing all this is far more den the time u spend in sch lor~ and yet u there saying he 'bao gao liao'~ if he dun do so, who will do it? u meh? ya~ i noe IT VERY EASY WAT, jus that u dun noe the coding... if he not doing, den how? ans mi!!! depend on u ppl, WORDS SPEAKS LOUDER THAN ACTION, we sure fail without 2nd tots... while u happily enjoy ur new yr, guess wat our dear mun hong is doing, he is struggling wif all the rubbish left behind lor! u dun appreciate, nvm k, but pls keep ur mouth shut~ no one love to cover tasks for ur all this free riders~! we 3 already accept all the rubbish, and really dun wish to say anymore... but pls!!! RESPECT AND SHUT UP, this is the only thing we expect frm ur, ITS REALLY VERY EASY LOR, and u dun hav to noe coding to understand wat i said lor! simple enough?! hav i made myself clear??