well, i try hiting on my 'DeSoLoGY' agn... receiving complaints from my dearly gers saying tat recently i din blog as often... ok... here it goes...
i'm having lagi jialat mood swing these days... and i actually hav a lot of tots in mind... btw! my sch begin next week le, a 3 yrs journey... PLS! for these 3 yrs, i seriously wan NO r/s, i dun wan it to trash me somehow and i can't afford to take such risks... next week will be my lecture week, hell, it will be straight one week, 5 days lecture 4 hr duration each day! wow! bz day huh... scary... ok, back to topic...
God of Death
sorry, but this topic will be abit creepy... ok... somehow i sense the present of Death god... these days he brought quite a few ppl away... like... my colleague's grandma, my another colleague's aunt, my cyber bestie's grandpa, etc... hai... i'm getting emotional... tot of my granny agn... i miss her alot... human being are always like tat, only when u lose it, den u learn abt cherish, but its always too late... i rmb one of my very gd fren ever share wif mi one of his christainity belief... god call ppl home cos they had finish learning wat they should learn... so... after some thinking, leaving this world isn't really a bad thing... see, u actually graduate... when will i finish learning mine? am tired... as i grow older, things change, environment change, i change... i change alot thru'out the yrs... forces of nature... gd or bad, not up to me to judge, neither is u to judge... perphaps tat's wat i'm learning this time rd... i always tell my gers, 'no matter how bad, how worse i become, love me for who i am, dun hate me'... and ya, my ladies, when u read this, promise me tat u will do it...
The Trophy
Sometimes i felt tat guys want me to stay by their side not becos tat he needs me, he likes me, or he love me... but becos of i'm like a Trophy... sorry to had said this... not abt boosting myself or watever... but tat's wat i feel... u noe... a Trophy, its a big thing when u GET a trophy, but it ain't a big thing when u BECOME a trophy... Its nth abt love, its jus something u won, something to bring u the status of championship... but agn... one person can hav many trophies... and when u hav a better and greater one, u will put the old one aside~ or rather ppl who i fall for are usually those who collect trophies? haa... tat's pathetic but true... Love is not my kind of game... well, afterall, i seek for attention den love... and i noe it.. tat's a gone case one...
at times i wonder... wat i wan? for family, for career, for frens, i'm very clear of wat i wan... but for love, for r/s, i'm confuse... i had nv really found the ans and i had nv carry any plan for future on tat topic... commitment is too heavy for me... promises are meant to be broken... human beings can nv be trusted...
I'm Losing the ability to love as times passby... last time i can love someone for yrs... now, i can only like somebody for days... Every gers tot of marriage, but to me, it seems horrible... i doubt any guys can love me as much as i love myself... and only i myself can take care of myself well enough... only i myself noe how to get wat i wan...
Tat's my pathetic life.. ok... i'm off for mitings... haha~ am a bz women k, mind u!