ok, it got to be a WORD-Y post! too lazy to upload pics though i hav alot to post! but...
I seriously think i'm updating my blog very frequently... haha... well, not everyday but ard... at least ard 2/3 times a week? wahahah... ok~ i'm lor soh...
recently, a few things i realized... more and more ppl having blog! hmm... my dearest ah shu... my colleague, juanna... a gd thing i'll say... cos i see the changes in me, as in my writing, my language... haha~ a gd way to improve english?! maybe~ i take my blog as... anything, everything, my tots, my days... ENOUGH! i hate my blog skin! everyone been asking me... Y U CHANGE IT?! alamak! u tot i wan ah~ quickly get my archive link fix and i'll change it back asap... i too can't take this boring, plain, ordinary layout! ARGH...
a few stuffs i been pondering~ how should i put it?! Can i read ppl's minds?! i mean... can i read and assure of one's mind, as in i read it and i noe i'm not wrong abt it... i'm tired of guessing here and there at times... life somehow like playing chess... at times u noe which steps to take, exactly wat kind of outcome will happen, at times, things jus happen without u even realize... i think, think so hard on every step i make... Something always hit me hard! its like i been slapping myself huh? hmm... like... u dislike somebody doing something and u din realized u are doing such thing also... i'm so so afraid of doing such stupid things! but somehow, i hav no ans, am i slapping myself? i play my ways, believing in Karma, but somehow fighting against it... becos it dun pays being a gd person... but for sure, i'll nv nv harm ppl who i love, i promise with my life... and i mean ppl I LOVE! not ppl who love me k! different hor! haha~ i dun usually love ppl one lah... wahahaha~ To those who i love and u noe who u r, trust me and nv doubt me, i promise i'll nv do bad things to u... i'll nv...
anyway, drop it! ok... recently was surfing friendster... oh ya! i love surfing friendster and violate ppl's privacy! haha~ oh well, this 'fren' of mine, not very familar lah... but i noe her! a rather sad thing... she married quite early i guess, wonder if its 'shot gun', doesn't matters... anyway, i dun noe how long she was wif her man b4 they got marry... anyway, she's only one yr older den me, and she having 2 kids now... her younger child was jus ard less than 2 mth old?! ya~ anyway, so sad... her man left her for a women who he knew for a short period, the man left for that slut while his baby wasn't even a mth old... so sad... and now... the younger child goes to the mother and the older one goes to the father... its rather FUCK UP! OH Gosh! dun noe y, i'll nv hate that slut more than the man! maybe cos i'm a women... i hate such thing! come on! who suffer the most? the 2 children... fuck! can u still believe the man tat u holding hand wif NOW?! FUCK! enough of all this sickening man... i'm getting tired of them.. and now the poor mum was like missing the elder child like hell, ever wanted to jump down the building wif the baby... SEE! HEARTLESS creature, tat's wat he had done by bking the family... Trust and Freedom... So wat great fuck abt it?! come on, dun ever come to me and say 'give me freedom and trust me'~ FINE! if u wan freedom, dun get attached! U wan trust?! Go and die lah! In r/s, i only trust a non-human being! haha~ cruel me~ FUCK IT! wat the hell sia~ the poor lady is so suffering u noe... u understand anot?! ur child and u can't see him at all! u miss him, u cry over the photos but agn, he's nv to be forgotten and nv to be replc... FUCK IT! it simply remind me of 'ESKI' agn... and i felt so so lagi FUCK UP! sorry, DeSoLo is nv a gentle lady! FUCK IT... Brainless idiots, think wif their cock! fuck! i simply can't stand such thing! so now, i ask u ppl! being a women is really tat great? dun hav to study, jus marry a gd husband! but come on, can u garantee? garantee tat he could make it to a gd husband?! fuck it! i hav seen far too many examples... make me simply tired of r/s, to give myself wholeheartedly to one person! i must be crazy in order to do tat! tat's hell! OMG! will there be anyone to save me from this kinda thinking, its getting worse each day... its getting worse as time passby, its getting worse as more and more ppl ard me suffer from it... OH GOSH! tat's hell~ i'm gone case to the extend whenever i saw a couple holding hands AS IF they r so loving, i start wondering... 'who knows this loving man of urs is holding some other women's hand when u're not wif him', 'who knows he's cheating on u without anyone knowing'... come on lah... when someone bk the news to me, a 9 yrs r/s become shaky cos of a hidden affair which last for a yr! though the affair had already ended, but who can garantee? no one... So wat the fuck abt the length of period?! wat the fuck abt commitment?! who really take it seriously?! its craps... whole full of craps! Wat makes u love a person? other den his/her looks? wat can make u love him/her? feelings? trust? money? can u ans it urself? u dun even noe... looks will goes, feelings will fade, trust dun even exist, money - tat's not even LOVE! So wat else u hav? pray hard tat i'll die young to skip this stupidest stage of life! to trust someone knowing he might bk it one day!
So will anyone die without somebody... the ans is NO! u will only die when u lose urself! ppl commit suicide when they lost someone they like, they depress, but agn, its not abt losing somebody but abt losing him/herself... u can't survive without urself! So wat if u lose somebody, keep urself clear! if one day, DeSoLo were to commit suicide becos of a guy who she love had left me, pls do her a favour, by pushing her down the building! such suicidal acts simply make me lose my face sia, i rather die! haha~! OMG! i had go alittle too far!
conclusion:
We will die only if we lose ourself... the world is make up by love, true, but its more of, how u love and cherish urself! Nv gif urself to someone wholeheartedly, nth in this world has a life-time garantee! *wink*