haha~ ok, well... guess... Trina is my number one reader! haha~ she always nv fail to ready my entry and understand wat i say and appreciate wat i wrote... tat make mi love her ba... haha~ ok... knowing DeSoLo... when u see the title 'DeSoLoGY' u noe i gonna put my DesoLOGIC in agn... ok... lets begin...
changes.. changes in me... many ppl tot tat Sijia is still the same, nv change but i kinda change alot... real lot in a short period of time... tell me, how much can u change urself in 6 mths?! i changed... in term of thinking, mindset... i learn alot of things... a simply yet true thinking... 'NO ONE OWE U A LIVING'... well, i'm not targeting anyone.. jus wat i wanna say... many ppl in this world always think how badly they r, how sux their life are... but somehow, somewhat they been taking things for granted and nv realize... like for example, how many ppl in this world will really say a 'thank you' to ur mum after u hav a nicely well cooked dinner by her... no one... cos wat, u take it for granted, u think tat 'come on lor, she my mum leh, she should one lor!' but agn... even if, she's gif u life, doesn't means she owes u... study for the sake of study! study for the sake for parent wan u to study! study for the sake of not wanting to enter NS, enter REAL working life... a form of escape?! how many ppl is doing tat?! how many ppl is 20 over yr old and still doing tat? its pretty sad... sometimes, ok... ppl might think tat my grp of gers are easy, are jus a bunch of rubbish... rubbish in the DUSTBIN?! but i love my gers... they r different, very... my girls: - Jocelyn, she been working since after sec sch... she got no diploma, she started as swimming teacher, sales, runner, watever... if u wanna tok abt r/s, saying how bad ur r/s was, ur bf left u and u couldn't live in this world! come on, she hav the worse, she get over it, getting stronger each day... she learn, she proud of herself... - Trina, same... wat so abt having a incomplete family, its nv an excuse! she dun even feel disgrace to let anyone noe her past... the true in her, her frenliness... at the age of 17, she migrate wif her mum, she build her life over at this country which she dun even noe... her fren are all here... misses, but of no choice, she carry on her life, having a optimistic view... hurt.. ya.... for her, she too hav her unpleasant past... i won't compare, feeling is a kind of things tat can nv compare... suffer and miser is nv to be compare among different ppl... having much suffering doesn't means anything but to learn from it, to overcome it is e spirit i seek for... and same goes to Trina... she make me believe tat not all gers are as cunning as i tot... not all ppl are as non-trust-worthy... make me love myself more?! ya~ she did... for Belle, i love her righteous, i love the way she treat her fren... very true abt wat trina said abt her, she is e right fren everyone needs... ppl might see her very lowly, see her as an ah lian... but come on, even well-educated ppl can't compare to her... at the age of 20, still schling... she can't really earn money on her own... but she nv nv take advantage of ppl... even if wif her looks and so on, she can easily cheat guys for money! but she nv... the kind tat if i hav no money, i rather suffer and lock myself up den to go out and take money from parent, from grandparent, from sister, borrow from frens... she nv... dun take it for granted, tat's wat i mean... being a fren, when Trina was far away in Aussie, Belle play a part in sending Trina's grandma to clinic to where... will u do that? whenever i tot of this, i feel so lousy of myself, cos i can't do wat she done... Wat i love abt my gers... ya, i always say it as EGOTISTIC BITCH~ We vain, we shake our butt high as we walk, we r proud, we r ya ya... but we r independent... we will nv be like anyone who leave under some body... we earn our own, spend our own... having our plans... noe wat we wan... nv take other ppl things... definitly we r not those 'once broken consider sold' (fragile)... We r stronger... guys is more of a accessories den a neccessity... tat's us... we rather depend on ourselves... ignore wat others might say, find a gd partner and we can stay as a tai tai, carefree~ but come on, u nv noe wat god arrange for u... anything bad might happen... worse when it happen at ur most happiest moment... nth is garantee... 20 yr old might still alot younger, still a lot of time... but come to think of it... its isn't so... time flies real fast... To act and not to regret...
As i grew up, as i see... i learn to forget abt hatred... but ya, too i forget abt love... i still rmb how to love myself, my fren, my family, my dog... but i somehow forgot to love a guy... i forget abt hatred but i forget abt how to love those tat i once pain for... like... felix, Diana gang, i'm tired... i dun wanna hate... afterall, tat's their life... but to love them, i dun noe how... jus leave it as it is... like Tim, i'm pain, i'm hurt (ok, who's not), but there's no hatred... i noe... one day, i will still tok to him... one day we will still be fren... like YongKun, i once dislike him... and guess only a handful of them noe abt it... but now... i can take pic wif him, vain together, camwhore together... alot of things... changes... to gd, to bad, not up to me~ even pat was shock abt my change... too many things... jus accept it... no one owe me a living... at times, ppl keep quiet not becos ppl scar of u... but becos they dun wanna fight wif u... ya, i get it, long ago... at times i too take it for granted without me realising but at least i will return wat they done for me by being a listener, help them when they need, apperciate wat they done...
*Knowing how to appreciate ppl ard u and not expecting return is the greatest bliss in life*
I appreciate and feel blessed, Do u?