Oh my... looking into wats in DeSoLo... haha~
Jus realize a few things abt me~ If only u noe, DeSoLo is changing every minutes, and she nv stop realizing more and more abt her changes....
So Wats up in DeSoLo...
I'm building myself... ya... building in a way which i will love myself more... get it? being strong being tough... i nv stop building myself... i dun wanna be pretty, i dun wanna be cute, i dun wanna be sweet, i jus wanna be myself... one who can nv be replc, can nv be imitate... get wat i mean? unique ba... i wanna be special... like... hmmm... u dun rmb the person becos of her being nice looking, but jus her, something in her... rmb her unknowingly kind... ya... i aim to be... and i believing myself to be one... bare me wif my over confidence level... i was once a low self esteem sufferer... but i change, i build myself up... something tat am so proud of... even until now... am still building... i dun wanna be somebody... but i wanna be wat i wan myself to be, jus a Pure DeSoLo kinda attitude... ya...
But at times, my confident jus drop... drop to the extend tat even i myself feel bloody ugly! sometimes i feel like a nobody, i'm jus empty and nth inside... who i am, wat i hav to attracts? i simply feel that i hav nth... pure NTH at all... Plain is the word.
Am tough or rather i look tough... i enjoy the admire, the envious from ppl... envious over my confidence, my freedom, my happiness, my toughness, my 'take it or leave it' attitude, my 'dun gif a damn' attitude... yeah rite... DeSoLo is a Total Bitch... i can be jus so Bitchy tat ppl HATES... but i can be jus as loving if u treat me gd... well, standard libran... fairness, fair treatment... i dun like ppl to be my followers... u can love me, u can like me, but pls! dun be a poser, u can nv be me... u isn't me, dun try to act like me... OPPS! i dun mean tat ppl wanna copy me, but tat's jus a comment. i mean, who will enjoy such thing... hav ur own style, make it ur way to outstand others, dun follow... dun sound as if u noe me really tat well if u dun noe me... dun tell me wats rite and wats not... dun INSTRUCT me wat to do... i hav my way, way of doing things, respect pls... tat's DeSoLo... hate me by all means, u hav the right to do so... but dun be a hypocrite... *wink* haa...
DeSoLo thinks alot... i'm born wif such ability... i can see thru a person easily... jus by a few words, i can tell, wats in u and i strike... ok ok... perphaps my words are jus too daring... but i believe i'm able to... so... try me... well... i do wrong too... afterall am jus a human being... so... dun expect too much frm me, i hav my limits... i dun wanna be jus a bomb shell... empty inside... haa...
DeSoLo might be tough... but... still... a Evil Step-mother who desire for a Princess kinda treatment... am a sucker for gentlemen... a extreme sucker for it... and am no kidding... i fall for guys who treat me like a princess, who take cares of me even if they too think tat i'm tough and so on... perphaps all girl long for care and concern, love and dote... mi too... i appreciate and admire guys who respect me as a women, who take care of me as a lady... i jus simply love perfect gentlemen kind... fetch me from wherever i am, open doors for me, send me to my door step, sms me jus to noe tat am sound & safe... haha... ya... i noe... it sound so not DeSoLo... but well, tat's the secret side of DeSoLo... :p
but contradicting enough... DeSoLo Hates PRINCESSES... i hate those 'once broken consider SOLD' kinda fragile little girl... i hate it... i love tough, strong women! yeah... i hate everything tat is so GIRLISH! like... BABY PINK! URGH~~~ tat's hell! the world worse colour ever... to me at least... haha~
toking abt being contradicting... ya... DeSoLo is a bloody CONTRACDICTING person! i admit ok... hate me as all u wan... everytime i wonder... am i trying to be somebody, am i desire for things jus becos ppl have it and i dun hav... i ask and ask, but no ans... am a weirdo ok! sometimes i keep stressing myself on qns which i myself can't ans... like... 'wat i wan?', 'am i trying to be somebody?', etc.... maybe i'm jus ordinary and nth special at all who no one will rmb... :'(
Afterall, maybe no one noe, or no one even bother... DeSoLo believe in fate, DeSoLo believe that fate has somehow arrange something for her and she know it... but everytime she try to fight for wat she wans but she's jus not as strong...
DeSoLo afraid of pain... very afraid of pain... running away frm the word 'love' is a way she protect herself from pain... at times ppl might see me as a 'imature' being, can't settle down... but i truely noe tat am not being imature but am jus avoiding from pain... liking can be a very painful experience... and i'm scar of it... so scar of it... ya... i think too much... everyone knows... i'm born as a libra, born under air sign, i can't help it but to think rather den feel... cos to me, feeling isn't true, feelings can lied... instinct can be unreal... Heart had failed me so many times, it makes me believe, makes me trust and disappoint me. My brain is the one that bring me out of misery, make me stronger, protect me from pain... over-protective perphaps... but only ppl who truely felt pain, den will scar of pain... tat's my life, not all ppl are arrange to experience such pain... maybe i jus hate the sight of tears... thou' i myself love crying... maybe if someone out there will wanna noe wat curse i hav, who noe wat i think fate has for me, who wans to help... i'm still waiting... but nvm... i had resign myself to fate... *wink*
anyway, DeSoLo will still be a happy soul... no matter wat happen...